Diwali shopping and the Perils involved

This small article is meant for those who are keen on protecting themselves from unprovoked attacks from fellow shoppers and their kids.

When a crowd gathers in a shop which is almost half the size of an Industrialist's drawing room, what follows is a belligerent spectacle where the consumers who look quite innocuous , suddenly turn into ferocious creatures competing with each other to gain the upper hand in the on going tussle to grab whatever comes their way while they swiftly and to some extent indecently scamper past the fully loaded shelves of the glittering store.

Dexterity and adroitness are really tested in such establishments when a man's body shape determines how easily he can maneuver past his peers to reach the gift hamper placed on the last visible shelf ( which to be sure was placed there for allowing people to display acts of gallantry).

Another interesting feature of these stores is the presence of an outrageously large number of salesmen who instead of helping out the consumers act as impediments when it comes to browsing through the shop and discovering the prices of various goods.

It is in such stores and on such occasions that male-female bonding is seen to reach it's highest point as young men devoid of any intimate female presence in their lives try to deliberately place themselves near attractive wenches so that the latter may have the opportunity to brush against their bodies and send down some delectable shivers. It is in such stores that certain acts which would have been called uncouth behaviour in the non-festive season are suddenly branded as the signs of efficiency and alacrity ( and include snatching the chocolate box before the old lady can lay her hands on it, breaking the billing queue by sneaking in while others are fighting for space, shouting the lungs out to hasten the departure of the person waiting to get his gifts wrapped, pushing and sometimes pulling others and then uttering an accented sorry etc.).

Anyone who is new to this country would mistake such stores to be charitable institutions distributing free goods and all those who have gathered there as well dressed beggars. Such is the anxiety and desperation to barge into the stores and buy as many things as possible.

The store which a month ago would have been a picture of lazy elegance now gets transformed into a wall hanging depicting The American Civil War (sans Vivien Leigh) . The metal detecting machine which used to resonate with the beep occasionally before the festive season now wears an exhausted expression and some say has stopped giving any sound at all owing to the presence of more metal than in the coffers of the Oil Barons from middle east.

If patience is a virtue and bargaining our need, you just have to look around yourself to confirm the fact. In spite of the mad rush and apparent impatience , people actually are the human personification of patience. Notwithstanding the fact that their child is being pushed around by men 3 times his height or that their clothes are undergoing barbaric torture at the hands of the unruly mob of consumers, they still have the patience to bargain and ask for discounts . Even while hundreds of people are waiting to get but a glimpse of the displayed merchandise which currently is being blocked by their shapely figure, they merrily spend more time than is necessary in finally making a decision as to what to buy and what to just behold, admire and then place back on the shelf (an action is instigated by the price tag ) .

Another danger which lurks around in the precincts of such stores is that of pick pockets and other such damnable characters who often face disappointment due to the excessive expenditures already incurred by their potential victims at the behest of their wives.

In such commotion and conundrum we can always spot a couple of fellows who have decided upon dispensing with the last part of their business commitments before leaving the store and hence are scene shouting at the top of their voices into their mobile handsets and also staring at other loudmouthed individuals as if to remind these others of their impertinence and ill mannerisms.

Consumerism has had had one very important effect upon the psyche of the people. Unlike the ancient times of chronic impoverishment when every purchase elicited a rather apologetic and almost repentant reaction from the consumer , nowadays the happiness which marks the faces of the victorious lot is enviable. How happy and cheerful their faces look, their sense of achievement may only be paralleled by Archimedes' uncensored elation at having discovered the first principles of buoyancy.

The entire street and nowadays malls ( for those who frequent those establishments) where such stores are located looks a lot like Noah's ark where a variety of each species has been warmly accommodated.

Festivals truly remind us of who we actually are, and this I say to honour all those who have become experienced campaigners when it comes to shopping during this season and under such demanding circumstances.