A commendable initiative from the Government.

The union minister for agriculture is , in a way, a perfect example of incompetency and dejection. Or so I believed until the enlightened Indian media threw new light on the issue.
Aapke Khaane mein zeher hai!!!!!!!! is the tag line of this campaign which seeks to dissuade all of us from eating adulterated food items and dairy products( presuming of course that we were consuming them quite willingly and with knowledge of their contents) . The channels are however quite silent on the issue of identifying adulterated food and more importantly on how and where to find genuine and nutritious articles for daily consumption. For example, all the crops grown in the vicinity of Mumbai are unhealthy because they are irrigated with toxin infested water says news channel 1; all crops grown in and around Lucknow are not fit for human consumption for they have been subjected to malignant chemical treatment to give them that fresh and healthy look , says channel 2; the milk which many sip on to boost their immunity is actually coming out of a cauldron which contained urea, dye and artificial whiteners , says channel 76 ( I was quite happy to hear this because since childhood I have been raising my voice against the strange taste of the milk which was served to us twice a day, no one believed me then and put it down to my in born hatred for that drink, but now with all this documentary evidence coming up they can't help but side with me on the issue). So the defect of the matter is that no matter who you are and no matter where you live and no matter what you eat you are effectively consuming a certain amount of toxic wastes (depending upon you appetites ......Delhiites be warned) on a daily basis.
In view of these startling revelations , of course not for those who were involved in this affair, the government has now come up with an effective strategy to tackle this issue. To begin with , doubts are now being casted over the intentions of all those people who while they were in power promised to bring down the food prices and ensure that no one sleeps on an empty stomach. The C.B.I acting with it's characteristic expedience has even sketched a story that all those "Philanthropists were actually a part of the adulteration mafia and that this nexus goes way back to the times of Indira Gandhi when when the Green Revolution began. Many sources inside the government and outside it say that a committee has been set up( it shall be headed by bureaucrats) to investigate into the matter and submit a report stating why no steps were taken to snub the revolution and ensure that majority of the population goes to bed without having a morsel to digest.
The next important step to fight this menace has come from our ingenuous agriculture minister who by mismanaging the price control mechanism of food grains has ensured that many would be deprived of all these suspicious food items due to their high price . Only those who are foolish enough to spend exorbitant amounts on these venomous grains shall be the ones lying at the mercy of the mafia.
In an interview to a local news channel the minister said and I quote " Having discovered this conspiracy many years ago, it had become the sole aim of my life to increase the prices of all essential food items so that they are beyond the common man's reach. I understand that many farmers are committing suicide because of my move but please look at the larger picture; I am saving millions of people from consuming these pernicious products. What is more important?the lives of a few hundred (ok thousand) farmers who may have even connived with the adulterers or the millions sitting happily in in their homes waiting for the lady of the house to serve them their daily bread, not knowing that what they are actually consuming is poison."
I must say that after listening to this groundbreaking policy measure I have become a die hard fan of our government. After all what could have been a simpler way of stopping people from buying adulterated stuff than by crippling them financially and ruining their monthly budgets.
almost contemporaneously the government is reducing the prices of mobile phones and other luxury products so as to divert the public money to far safer substitutes ( unlike adulterated food, the harmful effects of mobile phones upon health have not been substantiated by any solid scientific evidence) .
Since this is technically recession time , the government is quite hopeful of further increasing food grains and other prices during inflation. Thus more people shall be benefited and prevented from consuming those poison Ivy's in the coming months.

These being decent enough measures for those who won't be left with enough money to spend on food and milk after having exhausted their savings on mobile phones and prescription drugs( genuine ones of course) the government is now focussing it's attention to all those people and classes where people earn enough to spend on all the above mentioned items without having to raise a loan. These people shall always be vulnerable to adulteration and hence the government is contemplating setting up compromise centres wherein the adulterers and the affluent public will meet weekly to decide upon the contents of that week's toxic materials and their % composition in the food stock. This, says a Senior bureaucrat, will help both the sides to resolve any differences as also allow the doctors to accurately diagnose any ailment caused due to impure food , as people would know beforehand what is being served to them. Conversations in clinics are most likely to go something like this- "No wonder my dear Sir, are you suffering from such and disease , after all you have been taking in too much urea of late. I would strongly advise to go for ABC food products , they use better quality and diluted urea . "
Not to stay behind in this war against adulteration the Consumer affairs ministry has asked all food grain suppliers, dairy milk producers and fake drug manufacturers to start displaying the % composition of all the chemicals, toxins, paints, dyes, fertilizers and filth used to produce their respective items.

Those working in corporate set ups are however not pleased with this system of weekly negotiations, because of their hectic work schedules. Hence many of them have sent a representation to the government asking it to provide online facilities to do the same. While many have gone as far as deciding not to buy these products and thrive on the frozen foods served by their cafeteria( blissfully ignorant of the fact that that pizza has been made by the local sweetmeat store).

Whatever may be the response to this scheme it is now certain that the government has found a a sure shot way of curbing this menace. As it turns out, all those 5 year plans which were filled with elaborate schemes to remove poverty and hunger , but failed miserably , may just even have worked in our favour.

No longer shall I criticize the Agriculture minister for attending B.C.C.I. MEETINGS , no longer shall I criticise the economists for being decorative pieces in a curiosity shop. This is because now I know that every time that I am denied a meal I am also being denied the opportunity to consume harmful substances in the shape of food grains.