On The Fashionable Nuances of Our Times.

Fashion is like a whirlpool of a thousand ideas which tends to take in and swallow every mortal who swims it's way. Mind you fashion has got nothing to do with morality or immorality. Yes I agree that Fashion sometimes gets a little vulgar, but then what does not? everyone, me ,you, the pastor who lives across the street, the priest who prays in the temple, even Rakhi Sawant was vulgar at some or the other time in life. What's the big deal? vulgarity reminds us of the importance of decency. If there were no reality shows around to cross the limits of absurdity and redefine the boundaries of ridiculousness do you think we would have ever been able to appreciate the fact that in spite of all that it was The Bold and The beautiful was indeed a sensible show? I admit that even after following it for ten years no one could figure out who fathered whom in the show, but then believe me it is better to be entangled in the web of imaginary incestuous relationships than to tolerate the highly intellectual debates between Aman Verma and Negar Khan.

Coming back to fashion(although vulgarity in itself is quite a remarkable topic for discussion) I would like to say something about the Film Industry of India and it's invaluable contribution to the world of fashion. No one can deny the technical and creative brilliance exhibited by our costume designers over the years. I for one, cannot get that image out of my impressionable mind where Amitabh Bachchan sported a jet black suit garnished with 4 volt bulbs all blinking and shining away to glory. Nor can can I ever forget Rishi Kapoor's endless line of sweaters which he wore irrespective of the season or the terrain in which they were shooting. Still fresh in my memory are those frilled skirts worn by the leading ladies of the 90's where it was hard to judge as to who was looking cheaper, the actress(if you can call her that) with her voluptuous smile or the skirt with unbelievably loud embroidery.

Among the most exquisite and adventurous experiments in the field was the one carried out in the legendary saga " DHARAM VEER"

For the benefit of the reader I would like to postulate the creative genius displayed by the costume designer of that movie:

1. Dharmendra is shown as a roman gladiator with strap shoes and a single piece frock.

2. Jeetendra is a 18th century English noble man who was in love with Frenchwomen and hence wears a cross of the two attires.

3. There is Neetu Singh who quite gracefully covers herself up with medieval middle eastern outfits.

4. The queen looks like a character straight out of an unpublished J.K Rowling comic book.

5. The list is just about to get over when suddenly Zeenat Aman steps in dressed as Red Sonja (of course not exposing to the extent which Bridgitte Nielsen did)

I mean I am a great lover of art(except modern and clip) and appreciate creativity but would someone care to tell me that which period in history did the movie seek to cover.

It's as if the costume designer stepped into the dressing room of "Benhur" and came out of the lounge room of the " The Three Musketeers", to go straight to watch the red carpet premier of Harry Potter and The Half Hearted fart.

In a way the movie was a good history lesson. Lets us now scrap all those boring " what did they wear" sections from the history books and substitute them with a CD of DHARAM VEER( a signed club from Dharamendra free).

Moving away from the movies which have done more than anybody ever could to demean the civilized man; let's talk about the role played by the fashion designers and their guinea pig models in shaping the fashion of the times.

Please don't get distracted by their accent they all barely managed to pass the higher secondary school examination( and I've heard many of them had already bribed the flying squad).

There was a time, and I am not referring to the time before Christ, when designers tried to design something which could be worn in public. Of course now that time and practice is passe'.

The sole aim of each designer now is out do the faggot next door when it comes to breaching the lines of sanity and propriety. All the designers I have come across resort to two ancient practices and devices to sell their products.

1. bare it all

2. wear it all

The thing is that almost all of these designers have a doubtful sexual orientation. I f by any chance God gifts them clarity they deliberately adopt a certain attitude as to infuse doubt into the mind of the onlooker regarding their true colours( i mean in a non-sexual sense).

when they see that the sales are dwindling and the trp's

falling they say" Bare It All"

When they see that the consumer is now fully under their intoxication they command" Wear it All" which means wear anything they serve: leaves for skirts, gold plated lingerie, Sheep skin shoes, (though I must say most of them are members of PETA), backless shirts, strapless swimwear, faded torn jeans etc.

Oh yes there is one form of design which always is in vogue: The almost series

eg. The OVIO summer wear collection which ALMOST covers the private parts

A &B 's winter collection which ALMOST serves the purpose.

R's autumn collection which ALMOST falls off when the model walks on the ramp

Y's swimwear collection which ALMOST looks like something.

W's natural theme collection where one ALMOST cries out aloud to be spared from the torture

Alas the ALMOST series is too big to get all the place it actually requires here.

But fashion is not just about what we wear but how we wear it. Till last year, for example, almost everyone I knew who sported Tight jeans or loose ones , tied them way below the waist so as to give the appearance that the fellow is just about to visit the loo and is preparing for it or has just returned from from it and has forgotten to properly zip up the thing.

Fashion ladies and gentlemen is no longer a secondary item on the budget it is now an industry where new means are devised everyday to trick the unsuspecting victims into buying something which will look good on them if they undergo a plastic surgery, a botox procedure, some liposuction and of course Three months of regular gyming in the local super rich elite gymnasium with a sensuous gym instructor who is always ready to show you how it's done.

All said and done I don't think Fashion is really a waste of time after all. For it is much better to spend hours admiring the unisex Capris than watching Barkha Dutt vomit out stale intellectual anecdotes and Mr. XYZ from South Delhi agreeing "completely " with her.